Monkeys Will Always Be Funny

Monday, August 29, 2005 nothing beer in this post, but c'mon. It's got monkeys in it.

From CNN earlier today:

"Government offices in the Indian capital are under siege from marauding gangs of monkeys. The gang of Rhesus Macaques are increasingly aggressive and daring in their raids on offices including the defense, finance and external affairs ministries and even the Prime Minister's department. The animals are considered sacred in India's main Hindu religion so killing them isn't an option."

Hmmmm.... Government being overrun by marauding gangs of monkeys? Hmmm.... Where else could that be happening? Hmmm.... Seems like I almost have my finger on it.... Hmmm....


A Traveling Keg

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 post for the next few days. The world is safe. I will be screwing around and playing in the golf haven that is Northern Michigan.


California: Why?

Friday, August 19, 2005

Prop 109. Ward Connerly. Hollywood. Alec Baldwin. The Governator. And now....Prop 77, which is tied to soft money.

In a bold move of overt, callous carelessness, Cuhleefornee-uh has allowed its Congressional delegation to raise of unlimited amounts of soft money around ballot initiatives and "voter" issues. This is because the Governator, according to state law, can already do that, but members of Congress were limited in the amounts of soft money they can raise.

The Governator has been going around the country raising upwards of $50 million (which is its own blog subject...) in an effort to re-draw political districts by removing the legislature from the process and turning it over to Ahnold and a panel of retired judges. Congress is not able to do nearly as much, thanks to the McCain-Feingold law (and I actually mean 'thanks'). But under this ruling, they could in California ballot proposals.

But soft money for any reason allows a candidate or potential candidate to raise money in support of the issues they support, which drums up inordinate support for them. That was why McCain wanted to change the law in the first place!

So to level the playing field in Cuhleefornee-uh, the FEC chose to allow anyone to raise unlimited amounts of soft money, which, just a few years ago, a majority of the majority and a majority of the minority thought was a terrible idea. Instead....maybe the answer could have been to limit the Governator's ability to raise soft money? Just a know...rather than open the doors the problem that unlimited soft money creates.

The only thing good out of Cuhleefornee-uh right now is Anchor Steam. So tasty... 2-month old is waking time to think of a clever beer reference on this one...maybe one of you?


It's All About the Buzz

Detroit Mayoral Race Offers a Clear Choice...But Will Detroiters Take It?

I thought drinking for the sake of getting drunk was only somethign that lasted into someone's mid-twenties. Well...on purpose anyway. There's been many a post-football Saturday...

Somehow, for Detroiters, it is a city-wide phenomenon. They could stop drinking so much. They could choose better beer. But it must be all about the bad-beer buzz.

The theory is that bad-beer buzzes are those buzzes where you starting talking depressed. As you fall deeper into that buzz, you start to love it, for the sake of being able to bitch more. The buzz and the comfort of constant complaints drives people to drink more of that bad beer together...misery loves company. This turns into marathon drinking sessions....pounding beers to wallow together in misery. The hangover is so bad it drives you to drink more, and bitch about it.

I have developed this theory because that is the only reason I can think of that Detroit will always decide what is worst for it. Given a clear choice of good beer versus bad beer, Detroit picks bad beer and then complains about its miserable condition, as it nurses its collective hangover with more bad beer.

There is a clear choice in Detroit now between Miller Genuine Draft (a solid beer) and....Moosehead (the skuniest of skunk). Before the primary, Strohs and Icehouse wwere in the race too. Strohs didn't make it because although barely anyone drinks it, you figure it will suck, so you don't. Icehouse didn't make the cut because it's cheap, gets you mercilessly hammered faster, and then runs out of stock for a while.

MGD, a time-honored tradition, and Moosehead. Detroit could choose to minimize the bone-crushing hangover and actually collectively make it to work on time the next morning, a little hazy, but there. THEN....progress can happen...because you actually made it to work.

I fear Detroit will choose Moosehead. The sheer density of the hangover will make yet another collective sick day. Nothing changes, but everyone still gets to whine about how bad it is, and chug mor skunk to get the taste of overripe meat out of their mouths. I fear they will choose what is collectively bad, as they always have (a-la Coleman Young and getting rid of Archer), for the sole purpose of not having anything to complain about anymore.

Drink beer, Detroit, that doesn't present itself as better than it is! Drink beer, Detroit, that doesn't market itself as a tasty microbrew but instead turns out to be PBR that went bad in a green bottle!


A Farewell Toast to Peter Jennings

Monday, August 08, 2005

Around every keg, at some point, fellow imbibers offer a toast. Sometimes for fallen heroes, sometimes for lost friends or relatives, sometimes because a toast is hilarious, a toast is a way to convey feelings, communicate respect, or tell an eloquent joke.

None of us here knew Peter Jennings well enough to mourn, so we won't participate in ridiculous discussions about mourning his passing. This is in addition to the fact that mourning around a keg is a buzzkill. Instead, we will offer toasts to show our respect to a media mogul who never lost his vision about the true function of a free press.....who still found ways to dig and barb the trite and grossly inept Administration without losing his job....

Allow me to start. I offer:

Bring the white blossoms of the waning year;
Heap with full hands the peaceful conqueror's shrine,
Whose bloodless triumphs cost no sufferer's tear!
Hero of knowledge, be our tribute thine!

And also:

May you meet the gates of heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead!



Potential Drunks

Search This Blog

  © Blogger template On The Road by 2009

Back to TOP