It's All About the Buzz

Friday, August 19, 2005

Detroit Mayoral Race Offers a Clear Choice...But Will Detroiters Take It?

I thought drinking for the sake of getting drunk was only somethign that lasted into someone's mid-twenties. Well...on purpose anyway. There's been many a post-football Saturday...

Somehow, for Detroiters, it is a city-wide phenomenon. They could stop drinking so much. They could choose better beer. But it must be all about the bad-beer buzz.

The theory is that bad-beer buzzes are those buzzes where you starting talking depressed. As you fall deeper into that buzz, you start to love it, for the sake of being able to bitch more. The buzz and the comfort of constant complaints drives people to drink more of that bad beer together...misery loves company. This turns into marathon drinking sessions....pounding beers to wallow together in misery. The hangover is so bad it drives you to drink more, and bitch about it.

I have developed this theory because that is the only reason I can think of that Detroit will always decide what is worst for it. Given a clear choice of good beer versus bad beer, Detroit picks bad beer and then complains about its miserable condition, as it nurses its collective hangover with more bad beer.

There is a clear choice in Detroit now between Miller Genuine Draft (a solid beer) and....Moosehead (the skuniest of skunk). Before the primary, Strohs and Icehouse wwere in the race too. Strohs didn't make it because although barely anyone drinks it, you figure it will suck, so you don't. Icehouse didn't make the cut because it's cheap, gets you mercilessly hammered faster, and then runs out of stock for a while.

MGD, a time-honored tradition, and Moosehead. Detroit could choose to minimize the bone-crushing hangover and actually collectively make it to work on time the next morning, a little hazy, but there. THEN....progress can happen...because you actually made it to work.

I fear Detroit will choose Moosehead. The sheer density of the hangover will make yet another collective sick day. Nothing changes, but everyone still gets to whine about how bad it is, and chug mor skunk to get the taste of overripe meat out of their mouths. I fear they will choose what is collectively bad, as they always have (a-la Coleman Young and getting rid of Archer), for the sole purpose of not having anything to complain about anymore.

Drink beer, Detroit, that doesn't present itself as better than it is! Drink beer, Detroit, that doesn't market itself as a tasty microbrew but instead turns out to be PBR that went bad in a green bottle!

4 comments:

Andy 8:46 AM  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Andy 8:48 AM  

I am not convinced that Detroit ever gets good beer as an option. And when they do, they either turn it down or they choose it and then it turns skunky. Also, don’t forget that they hate being told what beer to drink. They would rather be told that this is “Yall’s Beer” then be told which beer is best by someone in Lansing… so I hope that no one in Detroit reads this blog!

Also don’t forget the Council, which is a case of skunky Milwaukee’s Best…

B Mac,  10:23 AM  

It's like visiting a bar in the UP and seeing a PBR in every glass. They might be drinking it because it's the local beer. Or they might be drinking it to spite the damn Trolls trying to tell them what to drink.

Either way, you don't see too many yoopers with a Heineken in tow...

Smitty 9:02 AM  

b mac:

Da Yoopers certainly will drink whatever they damn-well please....it's what makes Yoopers so special. Heineken may be what's best for Detroit...but we know full well that Detroit really has no bearing whatsoever in Da North. Drink PBR with relish and joy all day, U.P. It's your beer, and no stinkin' troll is gonna tell you otherwise.

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