Around the Keg Rules for Lenten Observance

Today is Fat Tuesday! Not only is this a day to gorge in preparation of the fasting to come, but I think it is time to review Catholic Lenten rules in our advancing society, tomorrow officially being the beginning of Lent. It is time to revamp and make-modern some of our antiquated Canon Law regarding Lent, and best of all, time to reintroduce a long-lost yet legendary Lenten rule about consumtion during fasting. Please consider observing these eight New Lenten Rules:

1) Pork does not count as meat. Pork is pork. Meat is meat. Scripture says "no meat," so no meat.

2) Fish remains "not meat."

3) Any meat consumed by accident is also "not meat." Like on a Friday when you and your buddies are at the local pub and you order a burger, forgetting what day it is. This rule is about intent. If I didn't intend to slap Jesus in the face by eating meat, then that's all that counts. So..."accidental meat" is not meat.

4) If you are on a date, and that date night happens to be on a Friday, then "Date Night Steak" is "not meat."

5) Lamb chops are "not meat." Lamb is lamb. Meat is meat. Lamb is good.

6) Depending on the chicken preparation, chicken is "not meat." Fried chicken of any form is not meat. Beer Can Chicken? Not meat. The beer strips the "meat" aspect out of the chicken.

7) Food consumed at an event or fundraiser is not meat. The Fundraiser Meatballs, for example....not meat.

8) Like our Holy and Religious monks of the Paulaner and Trappist variety, beer can be consumed during Lent IN PLACE OF a meal. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner can be replaced by beer of a Belgian Ale or German Lager (Bock/Doppelbock) variety. Remember: just like our Holy and Religious monks during their Lenten fasts.

May these eight rules lend a more positive outlook to your Lenten fasting.