The Midnight Ride of Stephen Colbert

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

The embed link button didn't work, so just click here and witness Stephen Colbert proving that maybe Sarah Palin was right about the ability to ring a bell and load and fire a muzzle-loader while riding a horse.

And just to pile on, here's a revised version of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "Paul Revere's Ride:"

“Paul Revere’s Ride,” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Sarah Palin
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
He who warned and, uh, the arms,
And bells were rung out as alarms
To tell the British we were there,
And had our guns, and to beware.

He said to his friend, “Abe Lincoln, listen
I am riding out alone
On a super-secret mission.
You can’t get me by telephone
But if you don’t hear from me by ten
Send me a text and only when
I’m at the hotel I’ll hit you back.
This way the rebels can’t attack
And long will fly the Union Jack.”

Then he said “Good-night!” and with guns blazing
Rode off for London. He was amazing.
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
He said, “You’ll never take away
These guns I’m shooting; you just try.”
He fired again into the sky.
It seemed he meant to shoot the moon.
That stirring night in early June.

Meanwhile, Lincoln, worried stiff
For his dauntless comrade Paul,
Took a cab to City Hall
And asked Grand Mayor Washington
To rig up his racing skiff.
They went by water, through a squall,
Each of them, too, had a gun.

Then Lincoln rang a second bell
There in the skiff, upon the waves.
It stopped the war and freed the slaves
And they all went to the hotel,
Which doubled as a rebel base
And Paul was glad to see Abe’s face
Broad and smiling, like the nation
(This was months before the assassination.)
Then Johnny Tremain, and Mark McGwire,
And lots more men that we admire
Joined up with the delegation.

You know the rest. In the books you have read
How we used our guns to make Nazis dead.
How the rebels were the braver men
And still are today like they were back then.
How we beat the British at their worst
That’s why the Second Amendment’s first.

So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night his bells did ring
And so through the years we’ve come to sing
Of the way he saved us from our fear.
While the past is sometimes today scorned,
As a story we do not need to hear,
He was brave for us, he was he who warned.
He was our first President, Paul Revere.

Sarah Palin: the gift that keeps on giving.


Streak 11:18 AM  

Brilliant. I was thinking the other day how many times Palin could have avoided this kind of ridicule, and done so in a way that would have made people actually respect her. She could have responded to the Arizona shooting by saying, "while I think that people who blame me for this are misguided and wrong, I am mindful that we can all moderate our tone and work on speaking with words that are less toxic."

Or with this, a simple, "I realized I had some of my facts wrong about Paul Revere, but am always learning more about this great country. I hope we can all continue to learn about our history."

See how easy any of those would have been? Would they have alienated the cult followers who adore her? Or are they just that crazy.

Smitty 4:04 PM  

Or are they just that crazy.

They are so crazy for and about her that they tried to rewrite the Wikipedia page on Paul Revere rather than stand for her to be corrected with...facts.

steves 5:01 PM  

Volokh had an interesting take on this subject. I am inclined to agree with the author. The delivery was terrible and it it certainly likely that she just got lucky, but clearly some of her critics don't know much about history either.

Monk-in-Training 6:13 AM  

I am with Volokh on this as well. And Streak had a great response, but She who must be obeyed, simply can not be wrong.

I just don't understand why she is such a big deal.

steves 7:00 AM  

Before I am again accused of being some closet Palin fan, I would like to point out that she says plenty of other things that are factually lacking to an uncomfortable degree. This is just not the smoking gun that some are making it out to be.

I saw a poll this morning that 54% of Republicans think she should not run. Considering that she has 0% chance of wooing any Democratic voters and little support among Independents, I think it is safe to say that 2012 is not going to be her year.

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