My Life In Hell

My whole family is sick.


Smitty Jr. started it. Over last weekend, he had a 102-degree temperature and such. We got him on some antibiotics and he turned the corner pretty quickly.

But then, Monday night, I started to get it. Tuesday, I was pretty toasty, and by Wednesday was all but dead. Wednesday, both Mrs. Smitty and one of the Wonder Twins had it. Both Mrs. Smitty and I were sick as dogs, staying up all night...ALL NIGHT...with the Wonder Twin that slept only in 20 minute increments and was so uncomfortable that he could only eat about an ounce at a time before he would scream unconsolably again. We switched off so that the other spouse could lay down (but certainly not sleep...not with a fever and a screaming infant), but got no sleep.

The other Wonder Twin so far been spared, but now, today, he is starting to show some of the same signs the other one did as he got sick.

Two sick parents, not sleeping and thus not getting better, trying to take care of sick kids. Thank GOD we have family in town...

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Wednesday Boredom

In thinking about the search for vice presidential running mates the other day, the name "Dan Quayle" came to mind. And I giggled a little to myself, thinking about the infamous 'potatoe' incident. It is almost enough to make me feel sorry for the guy. He has accomplished many things in his life (he was the Vice President of the United States, for the love of Pete), but he will forever be remembered for one stupid moment.

In one bumbling moment, Mr. Quayle joined the pantheon of people who will, regardless of their other achievements, will be "that guy/lady who __________". A few other members of the club include:

• OJ Simpson: Sure he rushed for 2000 yards. But those aren't the kind of cuts he'll be remembered for.
• Monica Lewinsky: This one is too easy. Not unlike Monica.
• Bobby Knight: Best known for generally going apeshit. Apparently coached basketball too.
• Paul Newman, George Foreman: Sure one was a phenomenal actor, and the other was a world champion boxer. But for everyone under a certain age (probably 28-ish), they will forever be the Salad Dressing Guy and the Grill Dude, respectively (Okay, so maybe this one doesn't count. But I like it anyway).

Here's the catch; it can't just be something that a person is known for. Al Gore may have "invented the internet", but he's also the Global Warming Guy and the 2000 Florida election guy. Nothing OJ can do for the rest of his life will keep him from being OJ the White Woman Killer.

Best example wins. Go.

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The...Belgian Prince Of Beers!

So I'd be remiss if I didn't have an article, however late, about the sale of an American Institution to Belgium-based InBev.

Here's the deal. InBev, a Belgian-based brewing conglomerate, bought Anheuser-Busch (AB) for $70 a share, totaling about $52 million.

They then created a new company called Anheuser-Busch InBev (wow...lots of imagination...sort of like AB's beer...), at which AB will have 2 board seats. Thus, the maker of Bud and Michelob combines with the maker of Stella Artois and Bass (among many, many others), giving them yearly sales of more than $36 billion. That is expected to surpass the recent SABMiller conglomerate.

This has every bit as much to do with wanting to continue to compete dollar-for-dollar with SABMiller as it does with the fact that the American craft brewing movement, as a whole, continues to outgrow the macros.

I know I have over-simplified this issue (craft sales versus macro sales), and there's a lot more to it, because at the end of the day, despite the outpacing, Bud and Miller still crush everything else. They didn't make this move because DogFish Head and Stone are killing them...it's because SABMiller could be killing them.

This also means, on another level, that the two American icons of Miller and Bud are no longer American-owned. They're now Brit (SABMiller) and Belgian (ABInBev).

Discuss.

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Vintage Isn't Just For Wine

Courtesy of Marc over at my favorite local watering hole, Brannigan Brothers, I enjoyed an exquisite J.W. Lee's Harvest Ale, vintage 1997. 11 year old beer. The bottle said it was 7.5% abv...but after 11 years of bottle conditioning and sitting around with eyast, it had the sow burn of 11+%.

This harvest ale is technically an English Barleywine, which is a kind of strong ale. A barley wine typically reaches an alcohol strength of 8 to 12% by volume and is brewed from specific gravities as high as 1.120. It is called a barley wine because it can be as strong as wine; but since it is made from grain rather than fruit, it is in fact a beer. In the United States, barley wines are required for this reason to be called "barley wine-style ales." In fact, the Beer Judge Certification Program differentiates between English and American-style barleywines. J.W. Lee's, brewed in Manchester, UK, is definitely of the English style.

The beer poured into our snifters a muddy brown color, with a chill haze to it that clarified as it warmed. Some sediment was evident in my glass, but I probably poured a little eagerly and violently. No biggie. As I swirled it before I smelled it, it left a viscosity on the glass like "legs" in a good strong wine. It poured with a low, off-white head that dissipated quickly.

The aroma was everything we dreamed of. Dark fruit likes prunes abounded on top of layer after layer of molasses. Brown sugar flew all over the place like a confectioners kitchen. Under it all was a peppery spiciness. It all ended on a sort of bready note.

The taste was so complex it illicited laughter. Sticky-sweet, with plenty of caramel and even some thick, sticky honey. As in the aroma, there was a silly amount of brown sugar and molasses; imagine this kind of cookie being baked, what with honey, molasses, brown sugar and caramel chips. A gorgeous warming alcohol presence adds some spice to this brewed confection. As the drink warmed, there were some beautiful earthy hops that emerged to remind you that indeed, this is a beer and not some heaven-sent dessert.

The mouthfeel is slightly lighter than massively heavy. Make sense? Like being able to bench press 250 pounds; maybe you can, but it's still damn heavy. The decade in the bottle lightened the body just a bit, but not much at all. Velvety smooth, warm from alcohol but not at all hot, this beer coated my tongue like the most expensive blanket.

Unbelievable beer. It wasn't just a pleasure to drink this beer, it was a comfort.

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Open Mic Nite

So we all know what happened last night. Jesse Jackson, apparently, wants to cut off Obama's balls.

Jackson appeared to be upset that Obama has, among other things, admonished black men to stand up and be family-men. Focus on their families and children. Without any sense of irony at being a man with numerous affairs and mistresses, he expressed, via wanting to cut Obama's nuts off, his disappointment at being allegedly talked down to, and that Obama still hasn't done enough for the black community (saying Obama "lacks passion in addressing issues that predominantly affect blacks"). You know...the whole "he's not black enough" thing we've discussed before.

Maybe I should be disappointed that Obama isn't passionate enough about addressing issues that affect predominantly white middle-class suburban beer drinkers with kids. And I'm sure my buddy Mike Wang is disappointed he's not passionate enough about Asian/Pacific Islander middle-class beer drinkers with internet surfing addictions.

This does two things, in my mind, both of which are good.

The first is that it further forces Jackson into irrelevancy. Second, and more importantly, it separates Obama from Jackson. I think that if Obama is not seen as too cozy with the likes of Sharpton and Jackson, it only helps Omaba among Hillary-disappointeds-looking-for-reasons-to-be-a-pain-in-the-ass and moderate voters.

Discuss.

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Attack of the Radicals

For some context about this post, John Cole over at Balloon Juice wrote this piece about what a real, true Wingnut sounds like. About it, Cole says: "This comment from Perino has it all- sheer nonsense, a complete distortion of the truth, an attack on an independent judiciary, fear-mongering, and the characteristic brazenness we have grown to know and love."

The White House said Thursday that dangerous detainees at Guantanamo Bay could end up walking Main Street U.S.A. as a result of last month’s Supreme Court ruling about detainees’ legal rights. Federal appeals courts, however, have indicated they have no intention of letting that happen.

The high court ruling, which gave all detainees the right to petition federal judges for immediate release, has intensified discussions within the Bush administration about what to do with the roughly 270 detainees held at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

“I’m sure that none of us want Khalid Sheikh Mohammed walking around our neighborhoods,” White House press secretary Dana Perino said about al-Qaida’s former third in command.

Right. Because HE would be allowed to go free because of the SCOTUS ruling. Or maybe he would, because he was caught and detained wrongly, which is nobody's fault but the Administration's.

I digress.

What it shows is that this party will continue to resort to fear-mongering in order to secure the Presidency again. My sentiment is further verifyed by the letter my wife got in the mail the other day from the Republican National Committee.

My wife.

Mrs. Smitty.

The registered Democrat.

The one who has worked her entire political career on Democratic campaigns and for Democratic Senators and representatives. That one. Mrs. Smitty, the Dems' Dem.

Anyway, the cover letter, addressed to "Dear Fellow Republican," emphatically asks: do you want to stop them?

It asks to "Stop Senator Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, San Francisco radical Nancy Pelosi and ultra-liberal Harry Reid from taking total control of our government in 2009..." It further extolls Mrs. Smitty to think carefully about what's at stake if a liberal democrat wins the White House, including total control over the next [three] justices appointed to the SCOTUS, total control over the War on Terror, our military leadership and our troops [variously deployed], and total control over our economy, government spending and taxes.

The icing on the cake is "So please tell me now, do you want to STOP the four horsemen of the left: Clinton-Obama-Pelosi-Reid from taking total control of our nation?"

Here's the best part. This letter has a huge green YES sticker and a huge red NO sticker. You're supposed to affix the sticker of your choice to the corresponding attached return letter and mail it back to them. The return letter is too priceless to simply quote from, so I have attached it in its entirety.
Indeed, by her choice, Mrs. Smitty apparently readily understands and accepts that her taxes will go up; that Al-Qaida will win and America will lose the War on Terror; and that apparently floods of illegal immigrants will hoarde across our borders in search of free government-run health care.

Why, Mrs. Smitty? My beloved wife? Why do you hate America?

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The Future Is Now

Cars that run on beer, bitches.

The jokes about tipsy conventioneers aside, it's a sobering fact that flex-fuel vehicles are in America's future. So it's no joke that the Democratic National Convention, General Motors and the Molson Coors Brewing Co. have joined forces to ensure that convention VIPs will ride in GM vehicles fueled with ethanol that comes, in part, from beer.

Yes. The party that gives you Barak Obama also gives you cars that run on beer. Mr. Obama...can we have cars that run on beer?

Yes. We. Can.

Now, I will say that I am dismayed that there is enough "waste beer" every year to produce 3 million gallons of fuel to run in GM's flex fuel vehicles. Get on the ball, people. But at the very least, if wine snobs and liquor-only drinkers won't chip in and help us consume every drop of beer every year, I guess this is the next best alternative than just dumping it down the drain.

I am a little concerned about what these cars'...ahem...exhaust will smell like.

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