8 Random Things You Really Don't Care to Know

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thanks to that wonderful but inglorious bastard Rickey over at Riding with Rickey (an extremely well-written humor blog, if not also a source of over-biased East Coast baseball trivia), I have been tagged with a meme. This one's clever subject matter is "8 random (but true) facts about me."

After this, I am supposed to "tag" 8 other people. Well, most of whom I socialize with reds this and other blogs, but have none of their own, or are actually contributors. This is where I found my loophole to avoid sending it to less than 8 people, and make it as easy as possible: all of the otjher contributors to this blog are hereby required to be tagged by the meme and respond in kind in the comments section. Ha ha, internet Goids! You can't punish me with 1,000 generations of bad luck or whatever the punishment is for not forwarding the digital age's take on a chain letter...I am making an honest effort.

1. I hate scrambled eggs, passionately, unless they have loads of cheese mixed in them or are in the form of an omelette. Mrs. Smitty and Smitty Jr. love scrambled eggs, but they love them completely unadorned. Thus, the Smitty household goes through lots of eggs every weekend.

2. While I bitch very publicly about having to drive a minivan, I secretly really like it. It's roomy, it handles likke a dream, it's got an 8-cylinder balls-out engine, a plug for a full-sized television and gaming system, it can haul loads of building supplies and it has loads of electronics gear. What's not to love? Plus, it says "I'm a dad, motherfuckers."

3. Despite 8 years in the Marines, I have never been to any Asian countries, except the Phillipines. The legend of the banana and the (shall we say) practiced stripper? True.

4. I am afraid of heights. Not paralyzingly so; I can force myself up ladders and out of helicopters. But I nearly have to wear a diaper to do it. I get shaky and nervous climbing a 30' ladder to my roof top. Hanging Christmas lights is an exercise in controlling fear and vomit, and I have to have a stiff drink afterwards.

5. I won a 5th of Jack Daniels riding an electric bull at a country bar.

6. While I am an unapologetic metalhead headbanging freak, I consider Mozart's Piano Concerto in D Minor, K 466 - Romanza to be nearly the height of musical accomplishment. I am pissed I can't get it as a ring tone.

7. In the 5th grade, I won a Greater Lansing Area School District story writing contest. My book was entitled Blue Snow and the Seven Little Breakdancers (an adaptation of Snow White and the 7 Dwarves). It was such a hit that my co-author and I made it into a little play that we and 9 friends performed for our class. No kidding. That was the last creative thing I have ever done, I think.

8. I have never watched Casablanca all the way through, nor do I plan to. Classic or not, it bores the living shit out of me.

So there you go. 8 random, but true, statements. Tag, you're it Bob/Poindexter, Sopor, Steves, Joel, B Mac and Andy.

25 comments:

Rickey Henderson 10:01 AM  

Thanks for carrying the torch Smitty.

And about getting that Mozart piano concerto onto your cellphone... Rickey recommends checking out http://mobile17.com.

You can upload any song from your computer to their server. Then they'll text you the song. Voila, a ringtone. And best of all, it's completely free. So if you've got that Mozart piano concerto on your pc, you're good to go.

Smitty 10:03 AM  

Brilliant, Rickey. Consider yourself completely forgiven.

Bob/Poindexter "Chief Beer Advocate" 11:51 AM  

8 Random Things About Me.

1) I am not a big drinker, but my wife and I have a huge problem controlling our intake of junk food. We have no problem destroying the majority of a half gallon of ice cream in an evening. Breyer’s chocolate please.

2) Not everyone knows I am a sci-fi freak. Contributors here at ATK are out of the closet on their sci-fi love, but I have not been so open about my sci-fi nerdness.

3) While I don’t have nearly enough time to do it, I like doing fine wood work. ATK would have enjoyed the bar I built at my last place. Instead of actually making stuff, lately I seem to only be a collector of tools to make stuff, but without time to actually use the tools.

4) I too am a bit afraid of heights, or more so ladders. I can do what needs to be done, but I don’t like it. I just pretend I am standing close to the ground.

5) The left half of my body is nearly useless. I am nearly deaf in my left ear, I cannot breathe through my left nostril, and my left nut doesn’t even work well.* I am right-handed. I figure I will die of heart failure because the heart is to the left.
*TMI? Did I really put that on the internet for ATK’s 1.3 Million readers to see?

6) I got so hammered on New Year’s Eve that I did not have a drop of beer or other alcohol until last Sunday. On Sunday, I could only drink half the bottle. This is similar to the experience I had on my 21st birthday. I got so drunk on my 21st that I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol until I was 22.

7) I had really long hair in high school.

8) A quarter-life crisis resulted in the purchase of a nice 1966 Mustang. It’s now my Dads.

steves 2:58 PM  

This is hard once you have read what others have wrote because it gives me ideas, but here goes:

1. I once found $2400 in counterfeit money in the parking lot of the Meridian Mall. It was my second year in college and we were going to see the Hunt For Red October (best Tom Clancy movie, IMO). Being the upstanding, poor college student, I deposited it in my ATM. I had no idea it was counterfeit, but the bank did. I was questioned by the police and the Secret Service.

2. I met Danny Glover at the airport in DC. He was kind of a dick.

3. The farthest south I have been in the US is Missouri.

4. I have dated two candidates for Miss Michigan (including the 1st runner up).

5. I had a mullet.

6. I was so interested in politics in high school that I went door to door campaigning for Walter Mondale.

7. I did a semester overseas in college.

8. I spent all my summer breaks in college working at church camps.

steves 3:00 PM  

If Andy doesn't get here and post anything, I will for him. He won't like it. It will probably include some bisexuality and felonies.

Sopor 3:12 PM  

Ahhh damn. Guess I gotta give some randomness...

1. I play the trumpet. Or at least I should say I used to. I just sold my last trumpet right before Christmas. I played trumpet all through High School, and really enjoyed playing jazz music with my t-piece.

2. I'm a Disc Golfer. Anybody here ever played Disc (Frisbee) Golf? Probably not... Here's a link to help

3. Sopor's a gamer, pretty hardcore. After spending 8+ hours a day slaving to the man for my measly pittance, I can think of nothing better than sitting back and wasting a night away with a few rounds of Unreal Tournament, or whatever game I happen to be playing this week.

4. I drink tea. Green tea to be exact. Ya see, I learned a few years back that I have an incredibly hardcore case of GERD. (You guys probably know this one, but jut in case...) At the ripe young age of 22 I was put on a prescription for Omeprazole (Prilosec). If I don't take my pill, I can spit acid strong enough to eat through concrete. (Ok, maybe not...) Well this bad case of GERD is exacerbated like none other by coffee. So, no more coffee for me, I get my caffiene from Tea instead.

5. I have no College level edumacation. None. I started some classes after High School to get an Associates Degree in Computer Science or something like that, and quickly learned that I knew more than the profs... Well I'm one of those people who find it VERY difficult to motivate myself without a challenge, and quickly dropped out of college. In 2010 I get the chance to redeem myself at Siebel!!

6. I watch British TV. You guys have heard me mention this offhand before... but it's pretty solid now. I watch BBC TV shows that I have downloaded, I watch BBC America. Other than that, I watch Discovery (which has lots of BBC funded shows) and Comedy Central, which has no relation to British TV at all. Bottom line is that I think American TV sucks! Except the Daily Show and Colbert Report (Yup, I'm part of *THAT* generation...)

7. I work in a pink cube. Yup, pink. It's a really old Steelcase (I think) steal cubicle wall system that the building owner has painted a RATHER unfortunate color of pink.

8. I'd rather be off Hitchhiking the Galaxy, and panicing profusely. Being chased by Vogons with a will to kill, searching for the question to the ultimate answer, having lunch at the end of the Universe... You name it.

Ok so here's the problem... This is the ONLY blog that I have any connection to, real or imagined. So, The internet gods will likely strike me down now.

Smitty 3:13 PM  

He won't like it. It will probably include some bisexuality and felonies.

I. can't. Fucking. Wait.

Sopor 3:17 PM  

Steves, I couldn't agree more about Hunt for Red October. Easily the best Clancy/Dr. Ryan flick ever. I also really enjoyed Alec Baldwin in the part of Dr. Ryan, I think he did a much better job than Ford! And Ben Affleck?? WTF was that about?!?!

But yea, Red October is kind of a family favorite. My Father and Brother and I have watched it together so many time we can recite the whole movie. Pretty sad, we're a family of super-geeks.

Bob/Poindexter "Chief Beer Advocate" 3:40 PM  

If Andy doesn't get here and post anything, I will for him. He won't like it. It will probably include some bisexuality and felonies.

Maybe we should each post one thing about Andy that he doesn't want everyone to know. (Real or imagined.) Same goes for B Mac.

So far the "8 things..." are some funny shit.

B Mac 4:45 PM  

In lieu of having Bob/Poindexter post on my behalf...

1) I spent four years living in Japan when I was younger, yet somehow I don't speak a word of Japanese.

2) When I was in 5th grade, I was actually ranked in the top 10 in the state of Michigan for mathematics. Yes, they ranked kids in math.

3) I can jump surprisingly high for a 5'9 white boy.

4) Before the Michigan/Michigan State football game in October, I got to meet the Bud Light Commercial Guy at the Quality Dairy on Grand River. Very cool guy, very random meeting.

5) My shoulder comes out of socket on a regular basis. No biggie, as it slides back in pretty easily, but it is a super-neat drunk party trick.

6) I'm pretty sure I am developing an allergy to alcohol. For a while now, even a drink or two can leave me with a VERY flushed face and an occasional arm rash. It is becoming quite disconcerting.

7) I am currently HIGHLY addicted to Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare on my roommate's PlayStation 3. Incredible technology; so much so that when I get killed, I swear I can hear the processors laughing at me.

8) My CURRENT quarter-life crisis has me applying to law schools, which will probably run me much farther into debt than Bob's '66 Mustang (and will almost certainly be decidedly less fun). So far, I'm 3-for-3 on acceptances, so life is okay.

CRAP, I ran out of space before I got to the bisexuality/felonies section. Oh well...

steves 6:56 PM  

Sopor, what games do you play besides Unreal Tournament? I am pretty into games, too. I had a 360, but it kept crapping out on me, so I gave up on that syatem. I have a PS3, which I really like and picked up a Wii after Christmas because my wife wanted one. Our family plays Guitar Hero III every night for a half hour or so. It is pretty fun. I also just started No More Heroes for the Wii. It is ultraviolent and has a bizarre sense of humor.

COD4 was awesome. I loved the sniper mission with the SAS guy. The online play was fun, but I seemed to always end up playing against some really skilled guys that would take me apart.

I like British TV, too. The Young Ones was one of my favorites back in the 80's and I think it is available on DVD. American TV has some good shows, though I don't understand the appeal of the Colbert Report after a few minutes. He was better in smaller doses.

Afflek as Jack Ryan was bad. I hope they don't try that again. Personally, I'd like to see them make Without Remorse into a movie, but not have Liev Schreiber as John Clark. John Clark is a badass, though I am not sure who should play him.

Bob/Poindexter "Chief Beer Advocate" 8:38 AM  

While definately not a big guy as some may have imagined John Clark, I thought Willem Dafoe was a pretty decent choice.

Bob/Poindexter "Chief Beer Advocate" 8:39 AM  

Someone better warn Andy.

If he doesn't post by the end of the day, I say someone post for him.

Mike 8:46 AM  

As to Smitty's assertion that he's afraid of heights, yet still climbs 30 foot ladders, well that makes me feel a little . . . wimpy.

Sopor 8:50 AM  

I'll have to check out No More Heroes...

I play Wii and PC games. I've been building my own Gamer PCs since I was about 14 (not that that's impressive, don't get me wrong...) and I play a little bit of everything, except that I swing more towards adventure and strategy versus FPS. My favorite Game Franchises of all time are Civilization and Zelda. (God I'm a geek...) Honorable mentions go to anything else developed by Sid Meier (Railroads, Pirates...), the entire Unreal Tournament franchise (Best FPS' ever, though I haven't actually played #3 yet), Colin Mcrae's DIRT (BADASS racing game, I'm a Rally fan too), Other 'tycoon' games like Roller Coaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon, The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion (best rpg I've played yet!!). I was an active Diablo and Diablo II online player, though I refuse to allow myself to play things like World of Warcraft lest I become addicted and lose my job. Super Swing Golf is a fun one on the Wii, but honestly I got a Wii simply so I could play Zelda, Twilight Princess. I had a GameCube, but I didn't want the G-C version.

I'll have to go into more detail later, I got to start working eventually...

B Mac 9:51 AM  

I did waste many hours of my life ruling the world in Civ III...

Sopor 10:55 AM  

The you would love Civilization 4 B Mac. Civ 4 is by far the best Civ yet and Civ is perhaps one of the few game franchises that has gotten consistently better with each new realease, IMO.

steves 12:17 PM  

Civ 4 is pretty awesome. I used to be really into PC gaming, but I have gotten tired of having to get a new graphics card so often, which is why I am more likely to be playing console games.

Joel 2:19 PM  

I've been having the 360 vs. PS3 debate with myself for a while. The new 360's are supposed to be fine, and I REALLY love Halo, but the PS3 titles are getting better and PS3 is also a Blue-Ray player. Steve keeps telling me PS3. Lately, I've been up 'till all hours of the night playing Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War on the PC. I love the Imperial Guard, but I can't seem to beat the damn Orcs!

1) I studied Russian for two years in college. I can't speak a word, but I can still read it.

2) I have no addictions. NONE. I don't drink coffee, don't smoke, don't need a Coke every couple of hours, don't eat many sweets... nothing. Lots of Idiosyncracies, but no addictions.

3) I also played the trumpet in high school, in the pep band and in the Jazz band. I also, JUST sold my trumpet (YESTERDAY). The last time I played my trumpet was the day of my high school graduation, playing the Pomp and Circumstance processional.

4) I was the drum major of my high school marching band.

5) I am a lawyer. I hate being a lawyer. I hate lawyers. I hate judges. I hate clients. I hate clients who are lawyers. I hate law school debt. B Mac, step away from the abyss...

6) I was under the impression that I was alergic to beer until I was about 20. Every time I drank beer I got a rash and got sick to my stomach... even just half a can. Thankfully, it went away.

7) I want to believe in God, but just can't seem to do it. I think it's his fault I'm this way, therefore, if he exists, I should get a pass come Judgement Day. That seems only fair to me... and besides, from what I understand, he'll know if I'm faking it.

8) I think I'm in love with Justin Timberlake.

Joel 2:22 PM  

BTW, the guy who played Hud in Cloverfield was on Letterman last night. Fucking hysterical. He's a stand up comedian, and he was really funny. Dave was like "so what did you do before you got into acting" and he says "I worked at Radio Shack." and the crowd starts laughing, and he deadpans "I really don't see what's so funny about consumer electronics..."

Sopor 2:52 PM  

Wow Joel, no addictions? That's not very common for an American.

What kind of trumpet did you have? My last one that I sold was a Getzen Renaissance, which I preferred to Bach's Strad.

I'm with ya on the god... ooops I mean God thing. But I have to draw the line at Justin Timberlake...

Joel 3:42 PM  

It was a Benge, but one made in Los Angeles, not Burbank or Chicago, so it wasn't one of the more rare ones. Silver plated, pretty nice... much nicer than I need for banging it around on a football field.

"don't be so quick to... walk away..."

steves 7:51 AM  

Andy is unable to post anything, but wanted me to relay a ew tidbits. 8 Random things about Andy:

1) In the early 90's, I was heavily involved in black market antiquities. On one trip, I found myself in south eastern Turkey living with some Kurdish nomads. One groups had a wonderful Assyrian burial mask that would easily fetch over a million in western Europe or the US.

I contacted a Russian friend and arranged to have 20 RPG's and 50,000 rounds of 7.62X39 transported to the area for a trade. I contacted a buyer who agreed to meet me in Serbia. I don't know what went wrong, but I think someone told Turkish authorities and I was arrested at the border, north west of Istanbul.

I was placed in prison to await my sham trial. Turkey takes a dim view of smugglers, so the US Consulate wouldn't be much help. I was on my own. Fortunately, the prison was very old and this certainly wasn't the first time I had been in this type of situation. Remembering what a Sherpa guide told me about the tensile strength of hair, I crafted a rope woven from my pubic hair. It took 9 months, but finally, I believed the rope was long enough.

When the guard came to do his rounds, I faked a seizure. The idiot came into the cell, where I was easily able to overpower him. I made it to the window at the end of the hall and climbed down the side. The rope was not long enough, but I easily made the 20 foot jump at the bottom.

It took me two weeks, but I eventually crossed into Greece. Now if I could just remember the name of that documents guy in Athens....

Smitty 9:35 AM  

Bullshit. That's not Andy. If that were you, steve, I'd actually kinda believe it.

I get the whole reverse-irony thing. On that view, that is absolutely hysterical.

Joel 7:33 PM  

Andy relayed some additional information to me that I thought I should pass along. He wanted me to thank Steves for filling everyone in on his "Istanbul not Constantinople" situation, as we've come to call it.

2)During a sham political trip to Bangladesh in 2002, wherein I was actually sent as part of an undercover FBI contingent attempting to infiltrate the Jama'atul Mujahideen (they figured with my jewish ancestery and Turksih prison experience I would blend in seemlessly), I caught a skorching case of Syphlis from a 15year old prostitute named Chloe.

While convalescing, the "facility" I was in was overrun by JMJB fighters working in tandem with the Taliban, and I was forced to masquerade as a jihadist for 7 months while I plotted my escape. In order to win over the trust of my captors and prove my worth to Allah, I was forced to partake in the little known Islamic Myanmar ritual known as Muhla’lun bah (which translates roughly as “sack lengthening”). This incorporates the use of a 12 stone weight, twine, the top of a wall and ones testicles. My scrotal reconstruction specialist estimates that I will be able to wear shorts again within the year!

After successfully proving that I was not an infidel, I quickly worked my way up the Al Qaeda ranks and eventually started meeting Osama Bin Laden, Hosni Mubarak, Ayman al-Zawahiri and Chevy Chase every Thursday for some Texas Hold ‘em… and a lot of drinking. Those dudes are fuckin’ crazy! Especially Chevy. WOW. al-Zawahiri eventually had to tell Chevy to tone it down or he could forget about joining us for the next amateur burqa night at the Cairo ‘Vu. It was, of course, at this very establishment that I was able to make my escape.

During one particularly late night of strippers and beer, it was “Melonfest; Cairo” if I’m not mistaken, I told the guys that I was going to visit the “backroom” with a stripper named Marjorie. I then took the opportunity to duck out a back alley and make my way onto a cargo ship. Unfortunately, the ship was bound for Istanbul. Upon disembarking I was immediately recognized and taken into custody. Fortunately, due to the regime change ushered in by the 1997 post-modern coup d'├ętat, I was given leniency and sentenced to only 12 months, with credit for time served. Although the prison was nicer than I remembered, and I only had to finish out three months, I was forced to undergo weekly genital shavings as a “precaution.”

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