Hot For Teacher

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Okay, folks. It's class time today. Take out your notebooks and pay attention.

Our first lesson today is on several different ways to open a bottle of beer if you don't have a can opener, but do have, say, a downhill ski. Or a recorder.Our next lesson is in venture capitalism. Watch this video to learn how to make a quick $20 at a bar by opening a beer bottle.This video probably explains a lot. Sociogeography.And finally, a bit of constitutional law. This has been accepted by the Supreme Court in the historic NRA v. Rationality decision as justification for the 2nd Amendment.Class dismissed.


B Mac 8:39 AM  

Wow. I really need to try that dollar bill trick, though there's a good chance I will either a) cut myself, b) break the bottle, or c) look like a dumbass.

Smitty 9:01 AM  

C. Definitely C.

Sopor 12:59 PM  

Woohoo, can't wait till I'm home from work and can view youtube!

Sopor 5:38 PM  

NICE. Especially the handgun, makes me want to go out and get me that permit and piece right now! Ok, maybe not...

You know though, this shouldn't be all that hard. All of the clips in the first one appeared to be modifications on the Bic lighter theme, or the knife it theme. In the lighter case, it doesn't matter much what comes in contact with the bottle cap (as long as it's hard and resilient enough, thus the folding of the bill), it's really all about the other hand and leverage. Notice the dollar bill guy chokes WAY up on the bottle with the other hand (Hmm, is he a lefty? He looks experienced...) and then uses that hands fingers as a base for leverage with the opening hand. Anybody who can't open a bottle with a Bic (or other) lighter is likely not hanging on to the bottle high enough, I've discovered.

You see, I live in Hickville, MI, and used to live in an even more backwards hicky redneck town. Ever been to Sebewa? Please say no... It's a run down collection of trailers 3 miles north of M-43, basically in the middle of nowhere, here's a map (Damn I love Yahoo! Maps, they're satellite images kick Google's ass!). In a town like this, where rusty cars in yards outnumber humans, and every other pickup truck is a dumpster too, Opening Beer bottles is an ART (Which I've never understood since they all drink Busch Light or worse). Gaining the ability to open a beer bottle with a lighter was akin to losing your virginity. You weren't a man if you couldn't open a beer bottle with a lighter. Needless to say I learned quick. It was funny to see somebody attempt to open a non-twist off bottle by sliding a knife up the neck, and catching the much longer flare and shearing the entire top 1/2" of the bottle off clean! Redneck life was "entertaining" for a bit, but I don't know why in hell I dealt with it for even the 6 months that I did!

steves 7:17 AM  

Youtube is full of people handling guns in dangerous ways, proving that natural selection is true.

You want Hickville, MI, I grew up in the UP. I lived here for a while. The population of the entire county was around 13,000.

Bob "Chief Beer Advocate" 8:13 AM  

"You want Hickville, MI, I grew up in the UP. I lived here for a while. The population of the entire county was around 13,000."

For our 1.4 Million readers I must point out that rural and small populations does not necissarily equal hickville.

I grew up in Livingston County. That is an overpopulated hicksville. I actually winessed a a family having their own monster truck show where they drove over cars in their front yard.

This place is also known as rednecks with money. These people can afford better than Busch Light, but CHOOSE to drink it.

Bob "Chief Beer Advocate" 8:14 AM  

(But I did not intend to stereotype or anything...naw)

Smitty 8:41 AM  

I must point out that rural and small populations does not necissarily equal hickville.

Yes it does, Bob. You've done plenty of door-to-door in your day.

Sopor 9:45 AM  

Steves, are you shitting me? I would MUCH rather have grown up in the UP than in Sebewa, of course I didn't grow up in either and I would take my situation over either any day!

Although I have to ask, do you know of Camp Batawagama then? Right down on Pentoga. I went to camp Batawagama for Summer Camp every summer for like 6 summers running. Spent a few evenings camped out what looks like right across First Fortune lake from where you grew up! My family normally would spend a week or three in th UP for vacation. I absolutely love it, but if I were to live up there it would probably have to be Houghton or Marquette.

steves 1:06 PM  

I didn't grow up in Iron County, but lived there for a while. I grew up in Houghton County which was much more cosmopolitan. I am not going to get into a who is the biggest hick contest. I certainly won't win.

Bob, have you ever been to the UP? I would say that its isolation certainly contribute to it being backwards for the most part. Prior to going to college, I had never been south of the Mackinac Bridge. This was true of most people. Livingston County may be full of hicks, but you are still pretty close to major cultural events and centers. Until I was in junior high, if you wanted to go to McDonalds, it was a 90 mile drive. Chinese food, the same distance. Mexican food...there was Taco Johns an hour and half away. If you wanted culture, you had to go to Green Bay, Madison, or Minneapolis.

Sopor, I know the place you are talking about. That is a nice area. Don't get me wrong, I love the UP, but it certainly much different than living down here.

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